for the longest time...

Music: Jamiroquai-Love Foolosophy Mood: free

there, i lay my pen down, proofread a little, closed my booklet and handed it to the invigilator. someone let out an exhausted triumph scream and it seemed contagious enough to make the rest of us follow suit.

i flipped the question papers consciously while discussing with some 'comrade' who seemed to be confident enough to score an A, and my eyebrows obediently crumbled. when i'm feeling as if the world failed me again, another 'comrade' came up and said something that i've longed to hear for the past few minutes, guiltiness struck me once again for not listening to what Ms. Flora had warned us about, ' Do not, i repeat, DO NOT ever discuss anything after you've done your test. everything's OVER.' heh. wise thinking. luckily i got my part correct ,at least ^^

i felt feverish, bloated, dizzy...and a funny tingling feeling at the same time when i got home. God...i knew this feeling once upon a time back in high school. i thought i'd never recover it again, thought i already lost it for good. this is the utmost touch that i couldn't even had the guts to pray for, this is... relief. thank you so much for finding your way back to me again.

i hated the feeling of guilt and gloom that gets stuck to me right after every test, till i nearly wanted to get used to it. i'm tired of striving. i'm tired of competition.i'm hopeless. a mere 'pass' is what i've been wishing for for the past 2 years. i can't remember what really motivate me to push myself physically and mentally to try extremely hard this time. it got me that i actually NEVER did my test at ease throughout my finals before. yes, i never. heck, but not this time.

it's raining outside. is that a relieved sign? ^^

God am i happy!