Speaking up

music: none mood: feverish

words are dangerous weapons. it's probably deadly if one is unable to handle and control them.

i admit that i'm not very good at conveying myself when i need to and thus, putting myself in deep waters. my mouth is always quicker than my brain reaction...most of the time. when i say 'i'll try my best to do it', my mind actually screamed 'no i can't do that!' and when i really mean 'i don't really like you', it'll turn out to be a disasterous 'i like you alot!' T_T i don't get it why i couldn't get myself to say a big No! i don't know how to reject rubbish leaflets, irritating donation collectors and confessions from guys whom i'm not interested to; i'm too stupid to reject things that make my life miserable!

so many 'if i didn't do that then this wouldn't had happened bla bla...' . life was so messed up since 2 years ago when i'm suppose to leave the person whom i'm no longer in love with, why didn't i make up my mind earlier? nope, i made my decision and actually told him everything, but what happens is that i always regret to what i've poured out and things eventually turned out to be I am the one who is apologizing and begging for a come back. man...what an idiot b***h... *heck, why am i writing all these~i hate talking about love especially when it turns sour...so revolting*

Lots of people think that i'm weird just because i don't do things that most people (girls, to be exact) does-- i hate pop, i don't hang out with big gangs of girls who bitch about each other, i curse, i'm too open-minded, i argue too much with my parents... so many to name. what is wrong to do things i want if it doesn't hurt anyone openly?i don't know how to speak up, so i act out. i might have not been telling everyone that i love them but i'm a very loyal person(honest!), i'm just (i'm doing it again..) too shy to voice out. too shy to almost say anything that i desire, things that can make me feel better.

well ,this always sums up to why i'm always the one who says sorry, (might be a surprising figure if i can count them in a day) . guess i need to boost my confidence before i get any older...

sorry for keeping you here for so long...